Lizzy Had a Tizzy
Lizzy had a tizzy and it made me dizzy.
"My vet...my vet..my vet..." Lizzy Tippet blubbered hysterically.
My vet -- the two most overused words in the lexicon of neurotic pet owners.
My vet says this, my vet says that.
My vet's the best, I do not jest.
She saves pet lives. Yes, that's her quest.
So what did Lizzy's shaman of furry critters proclaim that so shook the cockles of her soul?
"Your dog's skinny."
Skinny? Of course! Lizzy Tippet had a whippet -- they're all string-bean skinny. "I don't mean to be rude, Miss Lizzy," I said. "But zip it and listen to me instead."
I placed my hands firmly on her shuddering shoulders, looked deep into her dewy brown eyes and said,"Whales are big, wasps are small and whippets are not fat at all." With Herculean effort I did not say, "And that mole on the tip of your nose is wearing no clothes."
"But my Baby's melting," Miss Tippet sobbed.
"Does Baby have a good appetite?"
Lizzy nodded her head. "Eats like a horse."
"Is Baby energetic?"
"Like a squirrel on Red Bull."
I gripped Lizzy's freckled shoulders firmly and looked her straight in the mole on her nose wearing no clothes and wondered, mole or nipple? "Has Baby experienced any sudden, inexplicable nipple...err weight loss?"
"Not an ounce," she said and slapped her shapely butt. "I weigh Baby every six hours."
"You're certifiably insane," I almost said, but bit my lip instead. I mumbled like a zombie, "Every six hours..."
"Three on weekends and statutory holidays."
But the bigger picture that continues to confound me are the hordes of doggie parents like Lizzy parading their pooches in my direction, all with the same woeful refrain: "My dog is too skinny; he can't put on weight even though he eats like a beast." Now, unless we're dealing with a rescue dog on a road to recovery, this whole situation requires some pondering.
For some baffling reason, folks tend to equate plump with hale and hardy, particularly when it comes to dogs and babies.Sure, it's adorable to pinch a chubby cheek or poke a doughy belly, but let's not confuse cute with healthy, okay?"
So, the takeaway here is straightforward – there's absolutely nothing wrong with a skinny dog. In fact, a lean pooch is often the poster child for good health, Your doggie shouldn't resemble a cuddly cabbage patch doll.
Reminds me of my late Aunt Butsie, aka the Queen of The-All-U-Can-Eat buffet off exit 79 and across the street from Herb's 24/7 Truck Stop. She once quipped (between mouthfuls). "Some folks see things as they are and ask, 'Why?' I'd rather take another bite and look away." Makes about as much sense as stressing over a slender pup, eh?
If you want to be true be you
and if you want to be you be true
'Cause there's only one way to be and
You know that it's true, you know that it's true
You gotta be you, aha yeah
You just gotta be you