My neighbor, Wackman needs a dog. Then -- maybe, he could work on getting a life.
I also think that Wackman is an embedded alien from another planet, and not just because I've watched every episode of The X-Files.
I state the obvious when a middle-aged man, leading an otherwise typical Suburbia existence, has a leaf-blower fetish that he flaunts about like a peacock in heat at a Rio Carnival street party -- every waking hour that he's home.
Wackman, a being who spends way more time with his MasterWacker leaf-blower, than with his family of four...Upon reflection, Wackman’s wife may have moved out (with the postman) and both his kids are now living in Anywhere.
At least that's what my neighbor, Zev the Cherubic Stalker told me. Wackman may be the only Wackman left. Our neighbor Wackman, spends "as long as it takes" using his leaf-blower to blow anything bigger than a grain of sand off his front walk and driveway. He actually bought the leaf-blower online from a company based on Planet Vulcan.
Where, according to Dr. Spock, there are no leaves.
So Wackman, completely illogical.
Moving on.
When there's a winter blizzard, Wackman is out there shooting down snowflakes with his leaf-blower. He's a pretty good shot, I may add. During autumn, he sits on his balcony disguised as a tree -- rounding up errant leaves (with the aid of hiss trusty leaf-blower) into a 10x10 enclosed corral.
Wackman needs a life. I've been watching this wondrously weird spectacle for years, which causes me to stop everything right now and ponder: Maybe I'm the one who needs to get a life? Anyhow, I’m thinking: Wackman needs a dog for his own overall health, but more important, because I think he does. For the love of humanity, this Wackman being needs to walk around the neighborhood and interact with homo sapiens without the crutch of his leaf-blower. A dog will show him how to socialize, how to navigate through neighborhood obstacles like Zev, the Cherubic Stalker. A dog will reconnect Wackman with the organic; other living creatures pulsating with life: Squirrels, slugs and all other neighborhood creatures whose names begin with an "S". Machines, no matter how useful they can be, can't do that for you. They can't lick your face like a puppy and make you smile. No can do. But a dog can. No matter how disengaged, how fed up you are with life, you always have that number 1 super fan who thinks you're great. And he should, because you give him the gift of life. And that's good. And he knows it. Even better. ORDER NOW!
